Spirituality Page: Essays and Articles

Author's Biography: Theresa has been nice enough to donate several articles and chants to PaganParenting.com

Once again, the standard disclaimers apply to this article. These are my opinions and my answers or partial answers about a question that is very emotionally and ethically touchy, not to mention completely subjective and very personal. Please feel free to interpret, adjust, and ignore anything that you feel doesn't apply to you or that won't work in your specific situation.

There are many questions that all parents face when raising a child in today's society. Like how much information does a child need about things that affect them? How much is too much? How much is too little? And how on earth can I tell the difference? These questions really start to assume epic proportions for Pagan parents in regards to raising small children and the topic of our spiritual beliefs. Unlike parents in most mainstream religions, where there is a very explicit directive from the religion itself to make sure to raise your child in the tenets of your faith, Pagan parents have to make the call without any such external support. We can't just say we were following orders. Indeed Christianity, in all its forms, tells its practitioners that they have a sacred responsibility to "spread the word" to everyone, even people they don't know. And they do it too! Without even a thought for language or cultural barriers, or the other parties interest I might add. For many Pagan parents this issue causes untold anxiety and endless soul searching before we can arrive at an answer to even the most basic question. Should we teach and raise our children in our own spiritual belief system? And it doesn't end there, there's the question of negative reaction from friends and family not to mention possible religious persecution in places like school to consider as well. First of all, these are legitimate questions, and you should be proud that you are a parent who considers and cares for their child so well that you think and care deeply about all the things that affect them. But that's still not an answer is it? I think the main problem here is one of perspective. I mean this is an important decision, right?

One that affects the most important people in the world to us, our children. And here's the trouble spot. Pagans as a group, are anything but a group. A very loose coalition of rugged individualists with vaguely similar beliefs is about as close as anyone can come to a description. The very fierce individuality and independent streak that make us so proud and so strong cause a knee jerk response in us. That response is to say "when our children are old enough to understand, we'll let them make their own decision just like we did". I have to say that overall this attitude is a very admirable way to deal with the world. But I have to question its validity as a way to deal with our children.

It is one of our primary jobs as parents and our social responsibility as members of the human community to pass on to our children a sense of right and wrong and, at least, the basics of the information that they will need in order to get along in this world. Now, in general, this doesn't faze us one bit. We don't have any terrible qualms about teaching our children not to lie, cheat, steal, or harm others for no reason. We don't spend hours debating with our partner and ourselves whether we should teach them "please" and "thank you". Indeed, it never occurs to us to flounder on the rocks of indecision when we choose which language they will be fluent in first. If we were to become such indecisive personalities as all that, common sense tells us we would be failing our children when they need us most. Our children look to us to provide for them this basic framework on which they will continue to build their personality.

The same framework that, when further fleshed out with a little experience, is the one they will use to filter, sort, and categorize all the millions of pieces of information they will come across as they grow up. And for most of us, a set of spiritual beliefs, no matter how basic, is a vital part of that. This need for a spiritual groundwork from which to view the world doesn't show up suddenly one day in one's teen years. It is there, growing slowly, like a seedling reaching for the light from the very beginning.

If we truly believe (which is a whole other kettle of fish) in our own spiritual path as the one best suited to nurture both the independence we cherish and the spirit we all possess, then passing that on in a kind and accepting way, is the greatest gift we can give our children, next to our unstinting love for them. You are only forcing your religion on someone else if you refuse to allow them to question it, interpret it for themselves, or alter or abandon it if they choose. I haven't met any Pagan parents who feel that way. If there are a few, they are certainly not the parents for whom these questions are so hard to answer.

On a less pleasant note, remember that people of other mainstream religions, notably Christians, believe they have a "sacred duty" to save everyone, and to "spread the word" to everyone. That everyone includes your tiny child. There simply is no delicate way to put this, so brace yourselves here it comes. If you do not make the decision to expose your child to your world view and your spiritual path early in life you will risk, at least temporarily, "losing" them by default. Sarcastically speaking, Santa is everywhere waiting to use the public school system. (How many classes don't make "Christmas" ornaments in the lower grades), The entire resources of every shopping mall in the country, and a multi-billion dollar movie industry, to sell your child Christianity in a beautiful shiny package with a huge bow on top. Fringe benefits include but are not limited to cute elves and adorable reindeer.

I guess the point I'm trying to make here is that too often our silence is taken as a lack of faith in our beliefs, or worse, a lack of any spiritual belief system. By our silence on the topic of our spirituality we quite literally never even give our children the option of choosing the spiritual path that we ourselves follow. If we truly want our children to choose for themselves someday, we owe them all the information and years of experience we have at our disposal. Then at least we will know we have done our best to help them make an informed choice. And if they choose differently than we did, then is the time to be accepting and keep silent.